I am reluctantly reviewing this film. I told myself that I would stop writing reviews of bad films, and that I would stop watching badly made films. I guess it’s just my bad luck that I end up watching them, and you end up reading about them. Come, join my suffering of bad films, that’s a horror in itself.
The Sisters takes all the popular themes from horror films such as Ju-On, Ringu and everything else and throws them in to one film. This is yet another generic horror film, however, this time it’s made by Thailand, and known in the west as Asian Horror All Stars Super Picture. I jest, of course.
Do you want to see a little kid, painted, with creepy looking eyes? The Sisters has it. You want a woman, who’s face you partly see, and more often than not see her opening her eye to reveal…her eye? The Sisters has it. You want bad acting, akin to a B-Movie that’s made in Germany and dubbed in English? The Sisters gives you a B-Movie in its native language. What’s that I hear? You want a female lead that resembles a she-male? Why sir, we have just the very thing in The Sisters.
I really, really shouldn’t explain the plot. Think Ringu crossed with Ju On. Honestly, that is the plot. Vengeful curse, which if you see it, you’re pretty much buggered. Add about six protagonists that quickly dwindle due to some hilarious deaths, and you’ve got yourself a touch of Final Destination as well. Woman is killed violently, raped, beheaded – angry spirit. That’s the Engrish explanation for those used to it.
Aside from the manly looking female (looking rather like a post-op at times, not that I’d know, of course), the film starts off decently enough as it happens. About 5 minutes in after we’re taken away from she-man, we’re given the story of how things happened with the group that discover the curse. Now, if like me, you watch it, you will probably be rolling in tears of laughter. These characters are stupid beyond reason. One character sees the curse, and runs out. The next character sees the character running and peers wherever he was peering, sees the curse and runs out. You’d think there was a clue in all the running away. But know, all six of them need to have a good look before they figure out they shouldn’t be looking there. These characters are morons. The stupidity only gets worse, however.
Death ranges from the absurd to the hilarious. When someone actually ends up dead, rather than calling an ambulance and the police, and rather than leaving the body as it is, the Thai way is altogether more interactive: grab a limb each and shake that body while releasing crocodile tears. If the victim has their brains coming out, grab their head and shake vigorously, letting more brain fall out and screaming their name with sorrow. Now only do these idiots need a lesson in acting and script writing, but they also need a lesson in how to treat the dead. When you see each on grabbing an arm and a leg and shaking the dead body of their just recently deceased friend, seeing the blood coming out even more excessively, you have to wonder if they’re not actually cannibals; drain the blood and the meat is easier to chew.
The female lead is irritating as hell. As she explains the entire story of what happened to her and her friends, as well as the curse, we know what the heck is going to happen, and she happily gives the clues away. It’s not bad enough that it was already predictable, but then to give additional clues is rather obscene. What is also amusing is the way she shakes and bakes in the chair, twitching her eyes as if being cattle prodded by some sadistic ranch owner, “You’re my cow now!”.
I kept thinking to myself, “If this was made with real actors, and a tighter plot, it could actually be half decent”. I was of course kidding myself, as it wouldn’t work seeing as it rips off every other horror film out there, and will only end up getting the makers sued if it’s a success. There are some clever, and genuine creepy moments though actually that work really well. It was during those moments that I persisted with the film, in the hope there was more of it. Alas, to my own detriment, it just ran out of bloody ideas and ended up turning into a thriller-cum-comedy-com-D-movie.
It doesn’t help matters when the creepiest moments are accompanied by incidental music more suited to an out and out slasher film with blood and gore, rather than a suggested psycho-horror revolving around the betrayal and suffering of a soul. A guy sees a piece of cloth, in comes the dashed synths. The intro music, in contrast was a nice classical-sounding piece with vibes of French jazz or something of that ilk, and was really pleasant to listen to. Contrast that with the man on the synths and his itchy trigger fingers, and what you get is some really barbaric, unintended humour.
As horror films go, it’s really not that great. It’s not the worst, there are much worse, but it’s pretty much hanging by a thread at the bottom of the pile. A couple of nice ideas here and there aren’t enough to turn this into a parody of undue intentions. Nothing actually works, the acting is atrocious, the scenes and direction amateur at best (that’s being rather kind). and the script writing pretty much on the verge of plagiarism.
Verdict: Intended as a horror, but only viewable as art student comedy. Pretty dire