Ask any book reader whether their film counterparts match up to the original ideas, and more often than not you’ll hear a resounding “no”. The same is true of the first film adaptation of Douglas Adam’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Like Steven Speilberg’s War of the Worlds is often referred to as the America’s War of the Worlds, this is Americas The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the galaxy.

Arthur Dent is having a bad day. The council is about to bulldoze his house, in order to create a bypass. At the same time his old friend Ford Prefect turns up to tell him that the world is about to end. By the time Arthur’s convinced of this preposterous idea, he’s already the only human he knows that now exists. Things, however, are about to get a whole lot worse.

Watching it with a nine year old, most of the jokes went over his head, but many didn’t even rise a smirk out of me, simply because the gags and comic timings are so off centre, it’s a self parody of the poor acting displayed on screen. Having read the books, there may be some prejudice, but I can also understand a film that stinks too. This film stinks.

The cast is not particularly great, and could have been far better. Worst still, however, is the actual script, where old jokes are replaced with new ones, are edited out, or simply not delivered with the punch and wit that you would except from any of the characters. In short, the casting is bad.

Visually the film is uninspiring and lacking in vision. Adapted from the book, many things are replicated in film form, but most is a real shock to the system when you note how average and dull everything looks. One such example would be when Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent are saved by the improbablity drive. What went on for several pages, with some great humour in both the original radio show, and then the book is completely lost here. There’s nothing memorable or amusing about the experience.

Mos Def was a bad choice as Prefect as his failure to deliver his lines with panache is a common failing. His appearence and mannerisms are not intune with the energetic and sly Prefect we’ve come to love. Even the lead played by Martin Freeman turns out to be a bumbling moron, rather than being a guy who just haoppens to be in the wrong place all of the time, through no real fault of his own. Whereas you felt empathy for Dent in the radio show and books, with the film you just feel like slapping Arthur with a wet fish. The rest of the cast doesn’t even warrant mentioning, since they’re generally worse.

Many moments scream of artistic licence, since Adams’ passed away and therefore had no creative control from beyond the grave. It would be shocking to think that this was the final draft approved by Adams, but from the looks of it, it doesn’t seem to have been since many interesting moments are removed or replaced with “new” ideas. The net result is a confused mess.

Marvin (Warwick Davis) the manic depressive robot is perhaps the only character that offers any respite over the tragic disaster this film so openly is. I was bored 20 minutes into the film, but watched it through until the end, hoping that at somepoint it would improve. Sadly, as it continues, it becomes duller, the jokes degrade in quality, and the entire thing becomes a farcial tribute to the late Douglas Adams.

Romance in the film is certainly a very American element, and it’s here in quite an abundance as an obvious relationship begins that wasn’t quite there in the original, or in the later books. There is one revelation in the fifth book, however, it’s so shocking and unexpected cements the idea that the relationship between Arthur and Trillian should not be made so bloody obvious if they want to tie in with the other books.

There’s very little to like about The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I did enjoy the remix of the TV series theme tune, Stephen Fry’s narration was quite dominant too, but aside from that, there’s not much else I can applaud the film for achiveing. It fails as a comedy, it fails as a sci-fi film, and it also fails as a romance. The script has been stretched far too thin, and not been tightened enough to provide a much richer experience. I hate to say it, but it seems quite a slap dash finish.

Whatever your view on the book, radio show or TV series, you would be kicking yourself for watching this, because it really is quite dire. It’s worse than Galaxy Quest, which had a much better cast in terms of chemistry than the crew presented in this film. There’s no chemistry, no flow, and nothing particularly enjoyable about the film. It’s really quite bad.

Verdict: If this doesn’t put you into a coma, perhaps nothing will. A horrid, rushed tribute to Adams legacy.