Hostage promises a lot but delivers so little in real terms. The twist of the of the film is for Jeff Talley (bruce Willis) to save his family who’s being held hostage, he has to obtain a DVD which is being kept in a house which is also being held under hostage, supposedly suggesting the sacrifice of one family over the other. Or trying to save both. Initially the idea was mouth watering, presenting the possibility that one family will die.

Then I slapped myself awake and remembered that this was a Hollywood movie, and the good guys always win. How many Hollywood films have you seen where a family you are acquainted with for most of the movie simply snuffs it, and the good guys don’t walk away with their heads held high? That some suffering does result, even in the light of success? This could never happen, because Americans wouldn’t watch such a film, it would probably be banned, and Sentaors and other politicans across the country would court it as being responsible for 100% of all crime statistics. Parents would be up in arms at the moral decline of society ad nausem. Well, you get the idea, so you can also surmise that the film is a rose tinted, tension free, suspense free, unthrilling pile of of boredom.

At close to two hours in length, and all we get is happy families. You don’t care for anyone of the characters, the female hostage perhaps titilation for young adolescent boys, and the young boy for perverse old men? The latter is annoying, the former more so particularly in her “Mary” moment towards the end of the film, which induces laughter and annoyance simultaneously. It hurts your face when you do that.

Talley failed in a hostagge situation, so takes a job as Chief of Police in a small town, hoping for quiet, escaping from his great desire due to the fear of losing another family in a hostage case. He’s forced out of his shell in order to save his family and to try and save the family that has the disc needed by faceless intimidators.

You can make assumptions as to who the faceless lot are, but you’ll never know, and that removes a lot from an already empty film, devoid of any personality or character. There’s one moment of laughter throughout the film, where Walter Smith (Kevin Pollack) muses about a reference to do with his wife and money. After that it’s no more humour, and after that there’s no more anything really. It’s by the numbers, predictable and dry. You’re never in the moment, never really interested in what’s happening and see it as a fairly passive event; like watching a car go past your house, or noticing that it’s about to rain.

Can Bruce Willis act? I leave that for others to make up their own minds on, but I’m still trying to find a film where I can take him seriously, to find a film where he doesn’t always contort his face like he’s severly constipated. He’s OK, and he does his by the book action hero piece. To be fair no one else shines in the film, but then no one else is a big enough star, with Pollack often sidelined as a minor character and co-star. Still, Willis’s performance is, as often the case, below what is considered acting in real terms, and pulls off his sometimes hammy dedicated father bit, while throwing in the dedicated cop routine. Standard stuff then.

The most impressive moment throughout the entire film is the opening sequence. The film is adapted from a the book of the same name, and opens with a visually striking comic book style. An urothodox is used at the beginning to create some strong visual originality in how the actioner is filmed, but this gives away to common as muck methods, and we’re back to the usual cut from room to room, scene to scene, with the smart direction of the opening being eschewed for safer methods.

Hostage’s main problem is exactly that: it’s safe. You know as soon as his family is taken hostage what the rest of the film entails. It would have surprised me, and I would have praised it had not taken the most obvious route. Are American film goers still immune to repetition and monotony? How films like this achieve success is not just due to clever marketing, but the fact that film goers across the pond can’t get enough of this tripe, even if it’s shuffled in their brains with great big spade. The basic formula for such a film is that the good guys win and the bad guys lose. They even have a bloody sunrise moment at the very end of the film, which made me want to vomit until cleansed of the ugliness of this processed crap.

If you want a film with a twist that offers a genuine twist, offering and edge, a challenge to watch and something with bite, then go elsewhere as this film is not it. If you want the illusion of a twist, but are the type that would cry at the sight of seeing a teddy bear massacre, then this film is definitely for you. OK, one expendable ethnic character for the good team dies, and naturally the bad guys don’t make it. Other than that, this film is as safe as your toilet seat.

Probably more than your toilet, since you have more chance of cracking your head and dying from slipping off the seat than you do have of dying in a plane crash. So if you’re sitting still in your room wtching this crap, then you can’t possibly safer. Unless your television explodes and shatters glass all over the place, cutting you to pieces. In which case you’d probably die quicker than picking up the loaded weapon after watching the film, for not listening to my advice of avoiding this hell.

If you’ve seen The Negotiator, you’ve probably already seen most of this film anyway, and throw in a few other action films of that variety, then add that not-so-twisty twist and you have yourself a mildly violent episode of Teddy Ruxpin.

Verdict: Safe, happy action film where good guys win, bad guys lose. The recommended Hollywood formula bores again.