Larry Cohen seems to have a current trend of films related to phones. It’s possible he has a phobia of phones, or maybe he was hit over the head with one as a child. I don’t quite know, but I do know this is the second script from him involving phones, with the first being Phone Booth. OK, two filsm don’t make a trend.

In this second feature, the phone is a gateway of contact between a kidnapped woman and a stranger who happens to be on his way to flower a girl by being nice for once. The woman has managed to put together a shattered phone and called a random number, which just happens to be the guy. So, we have a race against time for Jessica (the woman) to convince Ryan (the guy) that she really has been kidnapped and that the life of her family including her son and husband are in mortal danger.

I felt shattered watching this film, as it’s very pedestrian in its pace, and it certainly lacks any cohesive logic. The acting is pretty bad, and poor old Basinger. I feel sorry for the old hag, as age has not been very kind on her. Sure, she has the body, but she looks to be in her 60s in this film, perhaps trying to emulate Shannon Tweed or the like. She looks motherly enough, which is scary, as it feels like just yesterday I watched 9 1/2 Weeks (I think I actually did watch it yesterday).

William H Macy is always fun to watch, but even here he is underused and relegated to idiot cop with face mask

Cellular isn’t a lot of fun, it lacks suspense and much of it is boring and dreary. I’m shocked that so many people found anything remotely redeeming about this film. Have people been so exposed to rubbish films that they find this level of mediocrity acceptable and enjoyable in the slightest? It’s rather astonishing that hammy acting, poor scripting and bad direction can qualify as an above average film as it is anything but above average. Below average is perhaps being too kind, as it certainly stinks of something.

I felt shattered watching this film, as it’s very pedestrian in its pace, and it certainly lacks any cohesive logic

William H Macy is always fun to watch, but even here he is underused and relegated to idiot cop with face mask. Someone of his calibre, to be in a piss poor film such as this, is quite a disappointment. I was looking forward to seeing Mother Basinger back in action, but her hysterics and acting were about as convincing as a dead donkey. Chris Evans (who plays Ryan) was playing a by the numbers character, which could easily be played by any number of other actors out there. No one made their roles their own, instead we see generic action, generic chase scenes, generic acting. Everything about this film is both generic and below average.

Why anyone would want to waste their money on boredom such as this is beyond my comprehension. Suffice to say, that I hope that Basinger decides to retire with her Baldwin hubby, as they offer little to cinema goers other than wrinkles and bad acting. This film isn’t god awful, but cinema goers deserve more for their money than second rate rubbish.

Verdict: Snoring, boring thriller with an ageing actress, weak script and poor direction.